Premarital Counseling
Getting engaged and planning for your wedding can be one the most exciting times of your life. And it should be! Meeting your life partner is no small feat, and it very well should be celebrated. That being said, sometimes the excitement and whirlwind of emotions that occur during this time can overshadow underlying conflicts that get brushed under the rug for a variety of reasons. For one, this is “supposed” to be a positive time when you are very much in love. Any acknowledgement of potential problems can feel threatening or frightening during what is supposed to be a joyful magical time with your partner. We might tell ourselves that we will “figure it out later” or “it will all work out.” Furthermore, many couples feel pressure to embody a sense of bliss and happiness from family and friends, especially with an impending wedding where their relationship will be very much on public display. It can feel embarrassing and vulnerable to seek help for your relationship when those around you have an assumption that everything is perfect.
For these reasons, the majority of couples do not seek premarital counseling and only enter into couple therapy after problems have taken hold for some time. While it can feel scary to have difficult conversations before you get married, the importance of doing so cannot be underestimated. Here are some questions we might address:
What are our views on commitment, conflict, and divorce as a couple?
Do we want to have children? Do we agree on how we want to raise them, or how much/how little we want family to be involved?
What are our expectations for work? Will both of us work full-time? If not, are there any potential resentments that could come up that we should talk about?
How do want to make decisions and share responsibilities? Are there particular domains that one partner will be primarily responsible for? (e.g., grocery shopping, cleaning, taking care of pets). Or are we going to split all responsibilities equally?
What are potential conflicts that could come up around finances? Do we have different spending habits? Will we keep finances separate, or have some kind of joint account?
What are some differences we have now that could cause (or have already caused) conflict between us (e.g., personality, relationships with family/friends, desire for sex, religious or political beliefs)? Are these differences acceptable to us? How do we want to navigate these differences together?
While these questions might feel somewhat heavy, our goal is to both celebrate your relationship milestone and make space for the real complexity of relationships! That is, we can feel both joyful and excited for the future, and feel anxious and scared about issues we have or might have in the relationship. Both can coexist together, and this is completely normal. We would love to help you navigate this important time in your life and provide you with the tools you need to address important conflicts and disagreements as they arise. The hard work you put in now may help to mitigate potentially more serious issues in the future.